Shat Mannon and the stolen chips
by mynameajeff1234
Summary: Our daring hero, Shat Mannon, will have to face his hardest mission yet; make sexy time, or eat a box of chips?
1. Chapter 1

Shat Mannon and the stolen chips

[Based on true events, recaptured with some slight exaggeration, this is from a story from the music festival, Vfest]

It was a cold summer's night, and all was well, except for Matt, who fell under a spell.

The rest will not be poetry.

Shannon reached for another dodgy Gary when all of a sudden, he saw a group of young girls at the festival with him, he was dead.

Earlier he had taken so many Garies that he had actually died and come back to life at the same time, remarkable really, he saw the group walk toward his group of guys and they joined hands and slow danced, Matt got paired with one who was really in the mood for some Shat Daddy.

SUDDENLY, NINJAS!

Shat Mannon told them to "fuck off", and they left, because he had previously gotten henno for Vfest. They continued the ritual.

His girly-wurly whispered in his ear; "Hey, you look hungry, wanna get some chips?" Matt took this as an offer of both a good knobbing, and chips! He responded with "Eh" and left with her.

They walked off into the night, hand-in-hand, Gary-in-pocket, turd-in-pants. He watched as she ran into the night dragging him with her like that paedophile that had touched him when he was six. Her hair glistened with the moon's rays, and he got an erection, he couldn't feel it though, he was too west.

As they approached the chip stand, Matt finally realised that he could not feel his large black snake, and that he was not even nearly sober enough to ravage this girl where she stood, so like the hero he is, he waited until the chips were bought, and handed to him by her, and walked off with the chips in hand, as he remembered that no matter how he felt about giving her one, he was still hungry. Matt was hungry because he was a heroin addict who wanked in his room too much.

From this point onward Matt had forgotten all, he probably woke up in the area everyone goes to piss, but one thing he did remember, were the memories of him and his lover…and her chips.

Scot Shannon

Part 2 will be translated at some point, don't know when, don't really care.


	2. Shat Mannon 2 Return of the Shat

Shat Mannon and the wrath of the retarded gypsy kid

Long before the time of the stolen chips, Shat Mannon lived in a village where annually an event was had. Unlike most events, this one was FILLED with gypsies and other caravan abominations.

Once again it was summer, and all was goochie, Shat and his friends (I KNOW RIGHT?) were taking a lovely summer's stroll around the caravan site.

"FUCK YOU, ya gypsy cunt!" Shat excreted from his putrid saliva dripping lips.

"Fuck off" The gypsy crudely responded.

Shat had shouted at this man, because Shat was a badass and everyone knew that he would only drop a Gary if he so desired, because nobody messes with Shat, he's MAAAAAASSSSIVE!

As the gang approached the playground where Shat often took his small child victims, they came across a kid who was the brother of one of the guys with a dodgy leg, the kid had a head like brick.

"Hey Miles" Said Ollie.

"WAZZZZZZAAAAP?" Miles responded.

"Oi, you girls need to quit yer yammering or I'll put my fist up your bum!" Shat screeched.

The gang sat down in the park, often like how you tend to see old people do, except this was less sad, because they were not barely holding on to life. Some of these fuckers had both coffee and chips, and that was pretty dope, because Shat likes his chips, more than clunge.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, a retard Kim Jong Un looking motherfucker turned up, and was about twelve possibly just four.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" The autistic little shit let out.

"Hello" Said Ollie because he was polite, and unlike the shorter than average North Korean that stood in front of them.

"HOW YOU FUCKING DOOOOOOING? TWAT HEADS!" He screeched.

"WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF YOU LITTLE PUNK" Shouted Shat.

"ARE THOSE CHIPPOS AND CAFFEE?" He responded.

Meanwhile, Jack the really really really coooooooool one whispered to Miles; "Oi, he looks like Kim Jong Un"

"Oh yeah, lol." Said Miles.

"WHATCHA FUCKING SAAAAAAAAAYY?" The little China man screamed.

"Nothing mate" Said Miles.

It was at this moment that the Asian started to get mad, he wasn't before because that was how he always spoke, the little downy.

As he was being mocked, the little Asian who couldn't felt a surge of energy enter his body, probably through his fat Jap mouth. All of a sudden he felt all powerful and angry, he strolled over to the bench and tried to slap the coffee out of Ollie's hand, he succeed slightly.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Ollie aggressively pondered.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I HAVE REACHED A LEVEL OF COOLIO YOU WILL NEVER ACHIEVE, WHITE MAN!"

Ollie was taken aback by this, he hadn't realised that he had been white the whole time. It was heart-breaking but you had to be there lol. KEK KEK.

After this the child waited approximately 5 minutes to regain his control over his convulsing motor functions, it was at this point that the funny little down syndrome made the biggest mistake of his life.

He slapped Shat's chips out of his hands, Shat loved his chips more than he loved anything else, as was evidenced when he let his aunt die in the volcano just to go to a chip shop for lunch. As the chips fell to the ground, like a gay little anime scene, Shat leapt to his feet and was ready for battle, before the chips had even hit the ground.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE GYPSY TWAT?" As Shat pushed him to the ground, bear in mind that that Shat was about six foot tall, this child was about three centimetres tall.

The kid fell in dramatic slow motion, it was quite awkward to live in that moment. As the kid plummeted to the ground, Shat kicked him with his super kick and winded the downy gypsy retarded small 12 to 4 year old child, until he was split in two.

Suddenly after the smoke of battle had cleared, two concerned adults walked over and demanded that he explain himself, Shat told them to "fuck off" they asked that we be removed from the site so we left with a very angry Shat.

Not much is known of what happened to the small Korean Leader, but what we do know, is Matt kicked the living shit out of this kid, and we genuinely felt bad for about 3 seconds.

THE END?


	3. Shat Mannon 3: Revenge of the Shit

Shat Mannon 3: Revenge of the Shit

It had been a long time since the events of episode 1, and Shat started to lose his way. He had started to blame the mountain of tissues in his bin on a "cold" he had been "suffering". These were lies.

It had been so long since Shat's last whiff of sweet sweet puss puss, that he had started wanking himself to death. To make matters worse, he hadn't even bothered to clear his search history on his web browser, which no one dare type the letters; "R" and "P", or "My Little…".

But it was soon to end, Shat had a plan to get himself out of the dog house and in with the cats.

During his months of solitude, he concocted a plan to win himself some premium clunge. He had placed a camera in the shower to record some of the ladies in his house. Seeing as how he lived with his step-sisters…and his mum, brother and step dad, this was an attempt to get a view of the goods.

Out of some weird fantasy, he had developed an attraction to both his step-sisters, this plan, was an attempt to somehow win them into his bed, not sure how, this is just what we know he did. Maybe his plan was blackmail? Maybe it was to climb in with them? All we really know, is he really needed to stop using the internet.

The trap was in place, and he was watching, as one of the women came in and turned on the shower, the steam started to mask the events going on in the shower, but from what he could tell, she was undressing. As she undressed and got into the shower he could only see her body due to the current angles, this excited him as he could see exactly what he wanted to…

…her kidneys!

As Shat started to stroke his might dong, he started to get too excited, he was half-way done when he noticed something he wished he hadn't.

It would have seemed that the woman in the shower was not either of his step sisters, but his own mother. At first Shat was shocked, but then he quickly continued, decided that he had already made it half way, he might as well finish.

Sometime after this, Shat was at dinner with his family and was barely eating his food.

"What's the matter Matthew? Are you not hungry?" Shat's Mum said.

"What? No, I just…lost my appetite!" He responded.

She started to become suspicious but kept her thoughts to herself. Meanwhile, Nick, Shat's Step dad was eating the soap instead of the chicken.

It had been a day since the horrific event and Shat had decided to give the shower cam another go, so he left it recording for an evening and watched the footage back at night. There had been one recorded shower that had been recorded, he played the video and began to get very aroused, this was definitely a different body, and the kidney's this time were much more visible.

Shat couldn't believe he had finally done it, he finally got to jerk it to one of his step sisters. Suddenly Shat looked at his phone for the time and noticed something that stopped him about 2/3 of the way in his jerky town quest. It was a text from one of his step sisters; "Hey Matt, were not gonna be home this evening as we're going to stay at a friend's house, love you". This had meant that whoever was in the video was not one of his step sisters, and it couldn't have been his mother as she had a different body. It was at this point that Shat had noticed for the first time that the person he was watching had a small little friend that they had brought into the shower with them, and its name was penis.

It was Shat's step dad who had been recorded by the camera, Shat froze, he was disgusted, utterly disgusted. If he hadn't have been so far along in his session, he would have stopped. He continued, even more ashamed than before.

It had now been a week since the last attempt as he had needed more time to recover from the horrific show he had witnessed.

From time to time, his mother would stop by his now white room and ask him if he's okay, he would say nothing. She grew more and more suspicious.

But he had no time for her, as he had perfected his plan, now he would combine both tests and filter them, he would now check who walks in and view it live. It couldn't fail, it wouldn't! Could it? No it didn't!

Shat was sitting in his lair when he heard his step sister walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. He had looked outside to see her walk back out, presumably for clothes. This was it, this was his time, he had now figured out how he would get in their dungeons and slaughter their bosses. He would climb in once his computer confirmed who was in there.

As he leapt back to his room he saw that the steam had once again clouded the vision, but he could see a slightly shorter figure than the last one he jerked his gherkin to. He was certain this time, and slipped out of his 10th pair of the same clothes and slipped into the bathroom butt naked.

As he entered he got into the shower and grabbed the body and started to attempt sexy time on it.

Once again however, Shat had made a very big mistake, this time it wasn't his step sisters, or his mother, or his step dad.

It was Scott his younger brother, who was very confused as to why his older brother had tried to fuck him in the ass. Shat considered continuing, but concluded that paedophilia was not something he wanted to add to his sentence should he be caught.

"Matthew, what are you doing?" Scott exclaimed.

"EH!" Shat screamed as he sucker punched Scott and knocked him out.

Shat crawled out of the shower and attempted to quickly get back to his room, but as he opened the bathroom door, butt naked, he could see that his mum and step sisters were standing on the landing, shocked at what they saw in front of them.

A naked frolicking Shat, whom had his big black plug waving about.

"MATTHEW? WHAT THE FUCK" Screamed his mother.

"WOAHEH!" Shat let out.

"My God" One of his step sisters exclaimed.

Shat retreated to his dungeon and began to lock the door and go back to his feral lifestyle, shat had learned something from this, he could figure it out however, as he was too busy trying to wank the bad thoughts out of his brain. The issue was that what he thought were thoughts, was actually shit. Hence the name. He let out a might brown cloud of liquid that changed his cum stained canvas of a wall, into a Jackson Pollack.

Who knows what Shat will do next? All we know is that it will be fucking sick, and fucking hilarious.


End file.
